There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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