I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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