The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
