If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
