i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
