addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
