I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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