I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
