He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
