So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
