Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
