Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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