Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
