I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
do herpes really smell.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
