haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
