I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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