Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
