I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
