3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
BRING THE BAGELS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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