Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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