I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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