Nicole vs. Life
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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