You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
