you didnt know i had herpes?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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