the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
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the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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