Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
