i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
