I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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