I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
