Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
