Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
