The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
