I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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