it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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