i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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