I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Mom said you looked used
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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