How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill