remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets