I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.