Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?