I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.