woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
