508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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