Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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