I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
