how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
