Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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