yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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