Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
