please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
