dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
