It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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