last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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