phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
