FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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