I swear she didn't look like that last week.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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