I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
