spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
