I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
