Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
