I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
PANTIES FOUND
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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